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| "Finding Christmas in the Hullabaloo" | ||
Economists who monitor retail sales are hopeful that Christmas this year will help revive our moribund economy. It's no secret that Americans are entering the Christmas season with more trepidation and uncertainty than we have felt in many years. The Christmas we have come to know and love may be at risk. Even Santa is being hit hard. For example, the recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about weather they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole. The streamlining that has taken place was felt to be appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture. Well, I'm just kidding. But what I'd like to talk about is the gap many people experience between the ideal picture we desire, and the Christmas we actually experience. Think, if you will, of a standard, wholesome Christmas family portrait. A caption for one such idealized picture might be the words to the carol "Tis the season to be jolly." What would that look like? The picture that creates for me is of a rosy-cheeked family gathered round a hearth all picture-perfect, all puffed up with the same "jollity." Babies, elders, Mom and Dad, are all sharing a spontaneous intergenerational moment of Christmas season togetherness. The decorations in the background are Martha-Stewart-magnificent, and, you know the Christmas cards went out just when they should have. Children are in the center, everyone is rested and glad to be there. The food is in the oven, the Christmas table will be bountiful, and the snow is falling on the landscape outside, while a fire burns brightly on the hearth.. Are you enjoying the portrait I'm painting, or are you feeling some resistance to this idealized picture? Do you, in your heart of hearts, feel some resistance to the very thought of Christmas? Are some of you, like me, feeling a little anxiety that Christmas is bearing down on us like a freight train, but somewhat hidden behind this unseasonable weather? It's certainly hard to get a feel for Christmas when the temperature is flirting with 70 degrees, but Christmas is coming. The malls which became full the day after Thanksgiving and will soon go beyond full. With the economy a bit rough, many retail workers may be under extra pressure to sell, knowing their company's existence and their own job are precarious. The more exhausted and overworked they become, the better they know their company is doing. For children, the season is deciding what to put on their list, where to hang the decorations, and who will take them to the mall. For teachers and parents, it's the challenge of keeping a gaggle of increasingly fidgety children focused on their schoolwork while arranging some special projects and activities that will honor the season. It's a time for decorations and baking. It's time to reconnect with distant friends by writing holiday cards, and to socialize in our beautifully decorated homes. For those of us in churches, it's a time for getting the decorations out, for extra choir rehearsals, and services that are suddenly fuller than ever. That said, I want to thank Mary Corthell, and JR and Maria Pucillo-Dunphy for the decorations you see around us. If you're like me, you're somewhat anxious about the demands, distractions, details, duties and the budget constraints that converge at Christmas. Now, if you're thinking that the season is a lot of work, and it's tension-producing, but ahhh, once the last package is mailed, and the last gift wrapped, then it's all worth it, because what follows is always be one, long, splendid Kodak moment, then, Nevermind. And if you are in the minority that believe even this holiday is manufactured by Hallmark, my words won't be for you. Listen to Bernard Shaw: "Christmas," he said "is forced on a reluctant and disgusted nation by the shopkeepers and the press; on its own merits it would wither and shrivel in the fiery breath of universal hatred; and anyone who looked back to it would be turned into a pillar of greasy sausages." Now there's a Christmas curmudgeon! But if you quietly feel that, even when the work is done, if it ever gets done, the holiday doesn't actually deliver what you want it to, then, listen on. Christmas is our culture's most revered holiday. Most of us, I think, expect to experience moments of reverence at this time, and are disappointed if it doesn't happen. We want to acknowledge together that life is sacred, deep and profound, and we want to feel joy in that. If that doesn't happen, if there's a certain emptiness, I think we point to Madison Ave as the Grinch that steals Christmas from us. It's true that television commercials and catalogues tend to define Christmas for us. But commercialism is only part of the problem and it's the easy answer. It can only take Christmas from us if we let it, but we are easy marks. There are so many demands and expectations on us all at Christmastime that have nothing to do with our true values that we can get lost in it all. Christmas may overwhelm for several reasons, but I want to focus on the one that has impressed me the most in my reading because it provides me insight about something we can change and benefit from. Christmas is a time of disconnect because we don't think it through in the first place and we allow it to be centered on too many things. Most of us have never asked ourselves the question, "What do I want from Christmas?" with a prioritized eye toward picking and choosing our Christmas season activities. We sort of want Christmas to do everything for everyone. In a book entitled Unplug the Christmas Machine, author Jo Robinson tells the story of a twenty-five year old woman named Melissa whose family had focused most of their energy on buying presents for each other, but, like many other people, didn't find that entirely satisfying. She writes: "We were sick of all the commercialism. Gifts made sense when we were kids, but we were now all adults, so we wanted to do away with the gifts and some of the trappings." They were taking back the holiday from the retail stores. She and her boyfriend, her parents, and her older brother celebrated Christmas by getting together for a lovely smorgasbord lunch. But when Melissa and her family took away the gifts and the elaborate decorations, they found they had little left. They had an beautiful meal and enjoyed each other's company, and were relieved not to be overburdened with all the details of gift-giving, the celebration seemed empty. They knew well enough what they didn't want, but hadn't thought through what to replace it with. "Christmas," Melissa said, "was an existential abyss." If this is familiar or feels true for you, then it's time to take charge. Letting go of all gift-giving might be, but is not necessarily, the answer. Melissa wanted to be touched by her deepest values at Christmastime, but didn't know what they were. The missing skill is knowing how to assess and choose from among our own values - Robinson says we ask Christmas to do too many things. Less, at this time of year, may prove to be more. Is Christmas a time to be with family? a time to create a beautiful home environment, to celebrate the birth of Jesus? to exchange gifts with family and friends? a time for entertaining? to help those who are less fortunate, to strengthen bonds with relatives? to be relaxed and renewed? to work toward peace on earth? Christmas will be more rewarding if it focuses on accomplishing just two or three of these objectives well. The key to doing that is to consciously let go of activities that aren't high values for you. if you are a nester with a busy life year round, perhaps this is the season to slow down and be with your family more. If you are a strong believer in service to others then Ch ristmas may be more meaningful if you find a way to reach out to others who may be lonely or otherwise in need. You may benefit from simply clearing away a few activities that have lost meaning. You may begin a discussion or negotiation with your family that is ongoing for a year or two. The idea that we change anything at Christmas is difficult for some. From my own experience I can say that sometimes the change we fear holds us back from discovering a Christmas that is truly our own. When I was a child, after the death of my father, we spent Christmas, for many years, at the home of some of my father's friends. It was the only Christmas I knew, and the idea of staying home sounded awful. But I was wrong to think that our family was too small and our home not as lovely a place to have Christmas. When the family we shared with moved away we discovered that our best Christmases as a family were ahead of us. Several years back several adults in this congregation wrote some stories of their favorite Christmas memories from days gone by which were published on the Kid's Page of the newsletter. These Christmas memories were lovely, and, I think, very revealing. Bud Soule remembered being tucked into a feather-stuffed mattress bed in his grandmother's beautiful, old farmhouse at holiday time. The memory of how safe and warm he felt when his grandmother tucked him in made him feel grateful - both to the goose and to his grandmother. Mary Corthell wrote of growing up at Peaceful Meadows with her family. In the mornings her mom and dad would milk and feed the cows. At Christmas, together, all eight members of the family would cut down a tree, bring it home and make decorations for it. She remembers, that none of their Christmas presents were wrapped, and that they'd find fruit and candy in their stocking. Barbara Hunt mentioned tobogganing on a cold Christmas day on a big hill near Allen's house. She remembers the cold, and the speed of the ride downhill and the snow pile at the bottom. Cheryl MacQueen mentioned sharing special time with her grandfather. She remembers that he'd say, or sometimes she'd say, "Mosquito's in here," and there would be in the form of gentle pinches or tickles. She also loved her grandmother's holiday decorations. Her favorite of all was a small table-top village with a mirror skating pond. Various skaters were there along with a church. When she got old enough, she was allowed to rearrange the scene. What wonderful memories! We each find spiritual fulfillment in different ways. I think it's interesting that not one contributor to that Newsletter mentioned a specific Christmas present by name. If you were asked to list three of your most cherished Christmas memories, what would they be? Those memories would be a good indicator of the kind of Christmas activity you find most meaningful. The first Sunday of Advent, is considered the official start of the Christmas season. So right now is a good time to think about what you value. Whether your Christmas is too full, or an existential abyss, this is the time to begin. (Books are available for anyone who wants to take one home. Just write the title and your name on the clipboard in the Parlor.) |